"I...."

When I learn something, I write it down.

To remember it more, to remember it well.

I was watching this korean drama a while ago and realised something very important through a scene.

Here, Se Hee(the guy from this drama) and his friend were talking. The friend was not going through a very good time in his relationship because his partner wanted to get married soon due to her age and even though he wanted to too, he thought it was not time yet. He felt he needed to try harder to earn more money for a happy married life.

So this is how their conversation went.

Se Hee: You have to be honest with each other.
        Humans are selfish beings to begin with.
        And marriage is one of the systems in which
        their selfish desires show up most clearly.

Friend: Desires? Se Hee, I don't have such desires.

        I simply like to see her smile.

        I want to make her happy.

        And most of all, I can't live without her.

Se Hee: "I like to see you smile"

        "I want to make you happy"

        "I can't live without you"

His friend looked at him in confusion, wondering why his words were being repeated.

Then Se Hee went on saying, "Do you realise what you just said all start with you as the subject? Your sentences don't start with the other person."

Then he left, supposing it was enough for his friend to think about. 

Does this mean something to you?

There are people we all love and care for. 

Problems usually start with thoughts such as:

"Everything I do is to make them happy but instead of appreciating what I do, they do this/that"

"I want this too but I'm thinking of the big picture here, why can't they understand this much?"

Too often, when you're trying hard for the sake of somebody, without realising you start to overlook their feelings and point of view and instead start thinking you are the one with more effort. Now this applies to every relationship; Lovers, Friends, Family.

In my case, I'm talking about the relationship between me and my parents. And I don't think it's only me. We all work hard for our parents. Even for those who don't, we all want to make them happy. There are still thoughts.

I used to be really selfish in the family. I only prioritized my emotions. I only did what I wanted to. I'd get mad over little things. But over the past few years, I have changed a lot. Growing up, I have started to understand how hard it is to be dealing with different people, how mentally and physically exhausting it is, to just work in general. All that stress and concerns. I guess you could say I have matured a bit so whenever I go back home during summer, my parents would see a different side of me; a grown-up version (at least I hope). But whenever something happens, I would always think those thoughts mentioned above straightaway.

2017 Summer, it was the worst. By the time I was back home, all I wanted was to rest and nothing more because I know I overworked myself for the year with work and school. I'll not get into details But things happened and all I could think of was, "Do they not know how tiring it is for me? I've changed for them, why don't they appreciate it for once? Why don't they acknowledge my efforts?" 

And similar thoughts build up.

I came back to Belfast with so much resentment, 

thinking I was better off living alone. 

I craved so much for a well-done from them and got frustrated for not getting one when I, in return did not even once think about saying the same or a sincere "thank you" to them.

"I.."

"I.."

"I.."

"I" became the subject again.

I realised, too often, it's so easy for us to be caught up in our own efforts and greed that we forget to appreciate the other side too. Too often, we focus too much on what we want, regardless of it being for their better or not, we forget to consider what they want as well and why. 

Sometimes, it's really important to take a step back and reflect. I don't like to do it caus I find so much faults in myself but I need to. 

My parents may not say it much but I know they are proud of me. I'm not an All "A"s student, I'm not this holy daughter but I know that when they see their friends, they talk about me in pride. Knowing that is enough for me. Now it's almost a year since I was last back in Burma so I've hopefully reflected enough regarding this. 

Hopefully this year summer back home will consist of less "me" and more "them" for me. 

Let's not stop trying.

Let's not forget to appreciate and acknowledge.

Like Se Hee said, Let's not make ourselves the subject and instead, Let's start our sentences with the other person. 

Thank you, Nam Se Hee. :)

On a side note, for k-drama fans, it's a beautiful drama. Portrays everything up to what people have to face growing up; financials, relationships, work struggles and more. A recommended one!

Photo source: http://asianwiki.com/Because_This_Is_My_First_Life