Lessons learned from page 37/365

6th February, 2015.

-Today I learned more about myself. About how much I despise mathematics more now. I don't think anything can win over the repugnance I have for it.

-Today I learned how terribly I have missed Burmese food. A friend of mine brought me food from back home and I finished almost all of them in hours. (Thank you, Han.) I miss home today. I miss my parents a lot, especially after I found out about my results. They're not going to be cool about this but at least when I tell them, they'll give me strength for the semester. 

-I also learned that burmese dried meat and chocolate milk from here don't go well together. Do not try. That stomach ache shall be the death of you.

-I learned that the political situation back home is not so okay at the moment. (again) I don't exactly know what's going on but I hope it all goes well soon. I don't see why the country always has to be in mini chaos when it has so many beautiful places and helpful down-to-earth people that are to be shown to the world since long time ago. 

-After watching The Interview this evening, I learned that not only is James Franco hot and educated, but he also makes a perfect nasty goofball. No wonder everyone's drooling over him now on Facebook.

-I learned not to ever have a big meal before going to the movies next time. I went for the popcorn and hot dog but couldn't even finish one of them :(

-Last, but not the least. The one thing that I always learn but never really listen to myself is to not keep things inside. I still have to learn to say things that are on my mind, things that kill me, things that make me angry. I tend to keep shit inside and not tell whenever I get angry, frustrated, upset and even if the other person notices and asks me repeatedly why, whats wrong, nope. I just won't talk. And I learned that not only does that affect me but it also hurts the other side. Especially tonight. After someone left, the last thing I was told was to talk when I have problems.This person always told me to scream, hit, throw a tantrum whenever I was pissed. He told me to express, I listened to him but I never made an attempt to change and that's what saddens me. I've been angry over tiny things over the past few weeks and never realised I've been taking it out on someone beside me all along.Tonight I was told, "enough is enough" ,"I know you're sad about stuff but at least talk to me nicely.", "at least let me know you appreciate it" and so many more. I learned that it may not have seemed like a big thing for me, but there's only so much that a person can take. He did things he shouldn't have too but the thing with me is I never talk to him about things and instead ignored him. From my side, I'm like "he did this to me, i don't wanna talk to him anymore. it's not cool." but also from the other side, this person never got to know what happened; why the sudden coldness, it was also not very fair for him. No matter what mistakes were made by the other side, I should have thought of my actions and made them right first. I was being selfish in a way. All this time I've been thinking I was the only one who was hurt but learned that he was hurt too because of my actions over the past few weeks. I could have said so much more, fought crazily when needed and done so much more so I wouldn't have the slightest regret at times like this. 

I feel sorry. I learned lessons. I'm still learning, to not choose frustration over anything, to start expressing myself more, to appreciate when someone actually is trying to make you feel better even if it might not be working, to get my attitude, my actions right even if the other person's might not be. 

This does not only apply to the person I was involved with, but also to my family and my friends. By this post, I say sorry to whoever I have hurt regarding my selfish behavior.