Reliefs & Regrets

I haven't been very active with writing but that's caus I haven't had much to talk or rant about. So today I just wanted to let you know I'm well alive and have been happy. What have you guys been up to? Can you believe it's mid-September already? In no time, we're gonna start wishing each other Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

It's been over a month since I came back to Belfast and guess what? I've done my resits and passed them! =) I know it's not something to be proud of, considering how I should not have had any resits at all but I'm just happy that I'm gonna be able to progress to second year. 

Most of the time in first year, I was still a little bewildered by my choice of study, if I wanted to have this as my career for many years. And along with the uncertainty came self-doubts, "Can I do this?" "Am I not doing work because I'm not interested in this?" "I'm not even good in maths, why did I choose engineering?". But then again, it wasn't all that. My laziness and last minute work also played a huge part in all this and it's very highly likely that this is not to happen starting from this year because all the pressure and stress before and during resits were just cruel. I'm normally not the one to get exam fears; I study the night before exams (which is something I will definitely change as well, this year, yes) so the fact that the consequences of failing this time would be taking a year out (i.e. go back home) really pressured me. So I tried. Actually, I studied last minute this time too but  U KNOW I actually put 100% effort when I did. But then again, no more last minute studying, I swear. Also, mom told me to let this be my last time with resits and dad was pretty sad because I could have spent more time with them if I didn't have to come back for resits so hopefully, no more resits.

The resit results gave me a HUGE surge of relief and regrets too. I realised that this whole engineering thing doesn't go under a complete wrong picture. That I'm still on the right track. 

As much as it gave me a little more faith and boosted up some confidence in myself, it also made me feel more regretful. If only. If only I put in the same effort 2 months before in the final exams.... If only I started to try harder and invested a little more interest sooner.. 

But I'm glad things worked out well. I could have gone back home for a year with relatives and parents' friends asking why I'm back, having to give reasons for the failure, embarrassing myself big time but thankfully this all didn't happen so.. *lets out a huge sigh of relief* 

But really, really. No more choosing sleep over early classes, new tv episodes over assignment. No more late night studying. No more last minute work and procrastination. No more binge watching dramas and shows. No more spending time in bed only.

If you're about to start first year or if you're already in college/ uni, before you let all the tv shows, games and sleep take over you, make sure you remind yourself of all the consequences. The stress, pressure and fear that come with failure. Less summer time if you have to resit. The guilt you get when you think about how your parents have to work hard for you to be in uni (especially if you're studying abroad) but if you're a rich spoiled brat, never mind. I'm telling you though, it's definitely not worth it. And I'm also telling myself to let this be the first and last slump of uni life. 

It's time I started sticking to an efficient and organised lifestyle. Gym? Part-time job? Social Clubs in school? A little more active and busy you know... 

But then that is, only when uni restarts of course LOL now it's still summer and since I literally have nothing to do (which I like), let me go back to the life of being an inactive lazy slob binge watching and reading on the same old couch for half a month till school reopens. Soooooooo ciao guys! Thanks for spending time on my blog, you're awesome. *Fist-bumps* 

I'll update you with how summer has been so far in the next post!