Appreciating summer 2015'

Every time I start writing a post, the point I always want to start out with would be, "Time flies".

This is going to be another emotional post because I'm feeling pretty, well emotional right now lol which you would think is like all the time but no I'm not always sad and miserable. Most of my posts are just sad rants caus I only blog when I get emotional, you know? like It makes me feel better buttt i'm going off topic and blabbering so whatever, I think I talked about this in the last post as well blah

I remember the last time I blogged, I was ranting on how it was fairly hard to adjust with peoples' thinking and how they judged so easily and that was like when I came back for the summer. A month went by so fast and now it's time for me go back already?

One and a half months. How did it fly by? I've only got 2 days left here and I wish I had more time. To stay with my parents and friends. I had to go on a lot of short trips around the country so I couldn't hang with my friends much and I feel so bad for not being able to see some more friends especially because most of them are off to college this year as well. It was a busy summer for everyone.

I don't like this emotional phase. I'm okay with going back to that life where I have to do everything on my own (I even like it better in fact) but I don't want to be away from my parents. Even for a day. I don't like this part of saying goodbye and pretending to be in such a happy mood at the airport to try not to cry. It makes it so much harder caus my parents are the emotional ones as well, they would cry every time they send me off. Even now whenever my dad would say "only 3 days left to be with you", "only 2 days left" and would talk to me about staying for more days, more weeks, it makes me all choked up despite the fact that I like to be in Belfast. I get really really weak when it comes to my parents but then... who doesn't?

It was a great summer. I was a good girl (at least I tried my best to be). Every time my parents and I were about to be on a quarrel, I tried as much as I could to be on a positive attitude and reminded myself how I only had one and a half months to be with them before being away for at least a year again. I tried to be considerate as much towards them, because when we're at a distance we tend to slightly forget the atmosphere where our parents are working daily for us, stressing for us, worrying for us, only for us. But that's also not on purpose, because we have our own struggles there as well such as food, chores, studies. But it's good to be back at times and be reminded of how the weight on their shoulders can be much heavier than what we have on ours. It motivates you to try harder, to be a better child. At least it does for me. 

Yet, I still regret a lot of moments regarding my attitudes even though most of the time I was trying to have a positive vibe. When it comes down to the time when I have to say bye again, all those times when I whined and complained "I can't wait to go back to Belfast" "I want to go back" "I want to change my ticket", I regret them so much. Like, really June? I hate how I'm still so immature especially in front of my mom when I thought I'd grown up pretty much. Yea true, I missed Belfast at times but I shouldn't have said it out loud. I should have reminded myself of the big hits of homesickness I had back in Belfast and how I will still get them.. All the teeny tiny judgements, the frustration with people that caused me to want to go back to UK at those times, not even a single of them matters in the end when I have to leave. 

But we all changed in some ways this time. Like if I was still the very old June, you would hate me if you saw me. Unsociable, Always grumpy and dissatisfied with things. I think I changed a lot from that and I hope my family noticed it. My dad is a lot more patient now, less grumpier and angrier as well. He became a lot more understanding towards us than before. He even taught me driving this time (one on my wish list checked). My mom is still like before :) For me, she's always the kind-hearted one; patient, sympathetic, beautifully fragile and inspiring. Both my mom and dad are beautiful human beings but my used to be short-tempered but we all change into better persons as we grow. I also feel like I've become a lot closer with my little sister this time than we were before. Maybe because she has grown into a teenager so we click but more than that, I've come to realise how she's a lot similar to me. She has the same thinkings I had when I was her age, she tends to do the same mistakes I did.. 

I guess it's the distance in some ways? I don't really like to tell people much about my family nor display them (I like privacy) but, makes me happy to say our family has started to show more affection towards each other, like we go out more often together, eat, take pictures together and more you know..

But then, I guess it's usual for families to become closer when you're away from each other for quite some time and then reunite? 

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I'll miss them. I'll miss the warm environment, I'll miss seeing mom or dad outside reading when I wake up, I'll miss the rainy weather, I'll miss the sushi shop that just recently opened near my place (that I ordered almost everyday for a whole month), I'll miss not having to make my own bed, I'll miss all the fussing both my mom and dad make, I'll miss all the "Your dress is too short", "Wait for an umbrella"(even when it's not even raining),  "Don't eat this; too spicy", "Turn off all the switches before you sleep", "Don't leave the AC on too cold", "Your makeup is too dark, go rub some off", "Don't you have long pants, mosquitoes are everywhere", "Don't use your phone all the time", "Go find some books and read", "Go pray", "Where are your specs? Wear them", "Aiiii don't kill the ants", "You're too talkative", "You should take off your nose piercing", "Don't laugh too loud, be a little more feminine".. and more fusses and more and more.. 

It doesn't really get any easier each time like they say. But I'm telling myself to not be too sad about this caus I'll be back in like a year or two. Besides, positively, it's not like a bad thing going back to Belfast, I always loved taking care of myself, doing things my way, the alone moments. I'm also moving into a new place with a sister-like friend so it's something to look forward to. :) I always preferred the lifestyle I pursue in Belfast, but my parents will always be my home. I just really don't want to go through this stage of saying goodbye again but it's not like I have a choice. 

Just like they say, there's never enough time when you're living to the fullest. Was a great summer overall and it flew by like an arrow so hopefully, this year it'll fly by in a blink of an eye once again so until then.....